It is difficult at times to evaluate from where you have been to where you were taken and then through the process – where you are right now.
The past ten years have been most unusual and not at all anything what I thought I would ever go through as I did. The Lord never left me in any way, shape or form, but I left Him to do whatever I felt I needed whatever “that” was that was ticking off each day of my life.
I contracted, somehow, what I believe was a Compulsive Shopping Disorder (CSD). It is a very real problem and people (a/k/a family and friends) should not discount it nor turn the one affected by it out to pasture.
Our emotions influence 80% of our financial decisions. CSD is interwoven with feelings and emotions. Compulsive buying (monomania) is a very real disorder. Very much involved with our emotional distress.
During my ten years of strangling my world, I purchased many sets of patio furniture, 6 pianos, all kinds of linens, dishes, furniture (3 lift chairs), 3 dishwashers, 2 refrigerators, two sets of washers/dryers, luggage, 27 lamps and more computers and laptops than I want to print, and it did not stop there. There was so much more!!
After I would get home with purchases, I would find I simply did not want what I had purchased. There was always some thing wrong with it AFTER I got it home. Many times I would simply set it out by the big trash bin and of course, the items were picked up very quickly by others who knew that what was there was GOOD STUFF. Even moving became compulsive in a way. I have now moved 12 times since June of 2008. Yes! I have loved every move. Every little place has become “home” for that moment in time but satisfaction never set in and compulsion was always there and never out of reach.
How did my family (son and daughter) fit in. They did not. They were not capable of understanding. Everything was difficult at that time. Daughter responded by saying, “you have squandered my inheritance”. Son responded by calling me some term in an email. Their families (my g’children) are 3 generations away, still young, have knowledge but the experience end of things they are gradually gaining as life keeps traveling along for them. What they hear from parents, etc. is not knowledge, it is one side of the coin.
So….basically on my own I knew I was treading dangerous waters – always knew the Lord was there but I didn’t plan on Him pulling my chestnuts out of the fire for me. Though He was always there, He was not always in command of my heart and soul. I DID know though, that He would not turn His back on one of his own……….and that brought me through dangerous waters.
I want to take you to some verses that were pivotal for me during the last while. It was the Last Supper and the Lord had just said “And truly the Son of Man goes as it has been determined, but woe to that man by whom He is betrayed.” The disciples talked among themselves as to whom it would be who would do such a thing. Jesus continues speaking……and then says to Peter!!!!!! “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. 32) But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me strengthen your brethren” (Luke 22:31, 32).
Jesus knows that Peter will deny three times that he knows Him. (vs. 31) But Jesus has prayed for Peter’s faith to not fail. THEN………..the words that have meant so much to me: “when you have returned to Me….”
“When you have returned”……..so grateful that what I did, has not taken me out of the Family of God. There is always hope no matter what I get in to or what I go through. He is right here with me. He does not like what I choose to do at times, but He is there and for me. He was there waiting.
Satan is a different ballpark. He throws himself at us. Shakes the living daylights out of us sometimes forcing us to do the wrong. Yes. What I did was wrong. I believe CSD is a part of Satan’s arsenal. His plans….his way to destroy us if possible.
“….and when you have returned to Me….”
“…strengthen your brethren…”
I have returned and I will encourage you every step of the way as I write during the weeks to come. Later, I will send pictures of our place. It is cosy and warm and home.
Od and I are completely settled in our new apartment and I love the kitchen where I can cook for a bit yet – at least during the holiday season.
My work begins again with Power to Change and I am looking forward to that very much. So many people out there looking for help, searching for meaning to their living. Jesus is the answer but He is not One to shake them in their boots and force them to see things His way. We must see the Lord and see the need in our lives of His way. He is the only One who promises to return for His own some day and we are to be ready. I can guarantee!!! He will return for those who recognize Him as Lord and Savior and look to Him only for Eternal Life. Believe me! It is straight ahead!!
You may be in the middle of a very bad habit. You are not alone. There are many reading this right now that are secretly involved with a bad habit. When we belong to the Lord, He will never let go of our hand even though we are hurled headlong. That is a promise from the Word. It is a promise for YOU too!!!!
In His Hands forever!