…”Marge, nothing is like it used to be….NOTHING!!! Please help! You have been there!!”
End of sobbing quote.
OF COURSE IT ISN’T. No one said it ever would be. You keep on keeping on. You step through the miry clay and the dirt and the tsunami that storms your soul and you do not look back. You will do many things wrong. Do them. Get through them.
At the end of every storm the clouds do part and the sun does shine once again and in that moment of the sun shining, grab a hold of it and don’t let go. And all the while, say over and over to yourself, “Be still, and know that I am God”. (Isa. 46:10) Don’t ask any thing of Him, just hold on and repeat His Word over and over and over again and before you know it, you will be feeling better. You won’t know how it is happening because the tears will still be streaming down your face and it will you and Him and the two of you together will be outstanding in every way, particularly in the down times.
I have had a down time lately. Here is how I solved it. I remembered years ago that Loren and I ate quiche for breakfast a couple of times a month. He loved fresh oranges so that was a part of that particular breakfast and coffee and a small cinnamon roll.
I decided I was going to go to the freezer department and see if they were still being sold. Yip. They are! I purchased 3 of them. Had one this morning, just like old times and yet far from it. Loren was not there and that removed the sweetest from it all. I put it all down the disposal. Went to the frig. and got out my home made potato salad and baked beans and had a wonderful breakfast.
1 can whole potatoes (sold by the cans of corn)
1 small pkg. of pre cut onions and one of celery as well.
Mix all together and chill. WONDERFUL!!!!
1 can of Pork and Beans
Molasses and brown sugar
Small pkg. of diced onions
Bake these until the juice is almost all baked away.
Now then. You don’t like canned potatoes. Because you have never tasted them you have an impression that is totally wrong. You know nothing about it.
Next. You don’t like molasses and brown sugar. Fine. You are missing the best of the best in baked beans.
Until you have tried something don’t give an adamant decisive answer because you do not know one thing about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now then. My morning decision. Don’t try to bring something up from the grave. What I prepared – what Loren liked – what we enjoyed together – – it is all gone. It is now me, my and mine. What do I enjoy? What can give me a smile, or a laugh. Maybe it will be a touch of flavoring from another time. Maybe it will be the look of my husband as we sat together and enjoyed something that no one else liked. That is what it was all about. That is what life is all about now for us left behind.
Do some thing not the norm….out of the ordinary. Go outside the box – you will be glad you did. You will see the kind of a person that you really can be. It will be good. It will be worth it all.
If this person’s call represents you at times – that is just fine = you are searching – trying – floundering at times – but may I tell you gain keep on keeping on and don’t ever give in or give up. Be the woman God made you to be – not a whimp.
During this time of rehab, etc., there are lonely times – there are quiet times – and so much more. Last week I went outside and yelled at the top of my voice, “Loren, I love you. Do you remember me? I still love you. I always will.”
A friend came up to me as I was enveloped in tears and held me for a moment in time. Then it was all over and the pressure cooker inside of me had released itself. Friend. Don’t be afraid. God knows you and me. He made us both. If we belong to Him He is constantly dripping the oils of love, compassion, faithfulness over our beings. If you don’t belong to Him, it is very simple to belong. Any one reading my posts has read how. Don’t wait. Remember. You will never be too good or too bad but you CAN BE too LATE!!!!
In His Strength