Now………..when I answer the phone, I wonder who/what is on the other end and what question(s) are being asked. Some I can answer. Some I don’t want to answer. Some are simply wishful thinking and some are…………………….
I love to hear from you who have been with me on the blog since day one. More civilized, now I can assure you. More sensible….more realistic for sure.
To begin with, this post is bascially for those who no longer have their spouse. The loss of a brother, sister, mother, father, aunt, uncle, g’parent, and any one else that you can think of to add to this list is extremely painful. It all runs parallel to the loss of the spouse. IT IS NOT THE SAME LOSS. Now. Some of you want to disagree with me. That is fine. You can do that, because I know you have your spouse as yet. YOU..AIN’T..SEEN..ANYTHING..YET!!!!!!!!
The question this morning is, “how are you feeling now?” “Are you back to normal?” “What can you share with us that can help us through this awful time in the year?”
How I wish I had the perfect answer for all. How I wish we never had to try to find the answer(s) for all you are asking and all you have not asked for. First of all there is not such a thing as “back to normal”. There is no normal any more.
Truefully speaking, I can tell you nothing, ever again, EVER, can be what it once was or even a glimpse of what once was. It can NOT, will NOT, ever, EVER, be anything like the past. The hole that is in your heart wil always be there. You can learn to tolerate. That does not come over night and as yet for me, after eleven plus years, every thing is as real as it ever was but much of it is in a position of being tolerated more sacredly. Grasp that concept. You will level out and be and do what you can do right now to get through the season.
How does the family respond to it? They don’t. With them it was over long ago and life has moved on EXACTLY as it was before. Little do they know their “times” are coming and much more quickly than they will ever admit.
If you have a family who is scripturally “built” you are more fortunate than those who have a family who thinks only of themselves. I do know this. When we are “in control” of our actions and thought patterns we can control our sub-conscience mind. But when we do not have to put on the wrestling garments and we have nowhere to go with our thought patterns, our sub-conscience will remain and become strong and where we thought we would get away with being and doing what “WE” were determining, it will then be determined sub-consciencely and no one any where can force it into the background. Remembering what “should” have been done or “could” have done will remain very functional in your mind. The “backfiring” atmosphere will gather and not lift in time.
I do agree with my caller(s). This is a rotten time of the year. I fight it every year. Nothing is ha-ha or he-he……nothing. You my friend have to fight off everything that is rupturing your thinking and feelings right now. Take it one “thot” or one “feel” at a time otherwise you will drown in the misery that is staked out at your mental residence.
This is not a very positive approach for me to take but it is a true approach and once you see this, dissect it to see where you are in this life pattern, then you can begin to do something about yourself, your thought pattern, your action plan, your whole attitude change and as I say so often in my mentoring work, nothing happens over night. NOTHING. Hang in there. I have changes coming in my own life that I have to deal with and I have to deal with it all alone physically and it is at this point that eyes need to turn upward and we need the Word of God, from the Bible and only the Bible to work out the problem straight ahead. Don’t ever feel sorry for yourself because there is no need. You have the greatest Doctor..the greatest Counselor..the greatest Friend..the greatest Comforter..the most Patient One to walk with you..the greatest Strength Giver..the greatest Question Answerer that you will ever find. IT WILL NOT BE FOUND IN ANY PERSON ON THIS EARTH. It is found only in the Lord Jesus Christ and Him alone. He is my Textbook and I find all my answers right there. Every problem you have ever had or ever will have is right there in the Word, believe it or not. IT IS THERE!!!!
Be encouraged. The holiday season will find moments of tenderness and your heart will find moments touched by your Lord. Give thanks at all times to Him for every “speck” of help that He gives.
One thought has lived with me for over eleven years now and here it is.
It is a new day…..a new way…..but the same love.